Dating in Las Vegas

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I’m often asked about dating in Las Vegas. In many ways, it’s the same as it was in NYC, in that the men who move here don’t do so to find The One. (Hello, Wall Street, etc.) It’s different in Vegas in that you’ve got real, bona fide Playmates and such in your dating pool. (And to make it even worse, many of them are great.) My own situation has the added kick that I spend most of my social energies in situations where I won’t meet any single guys. My world is a blur of parties such as Chanel fashion, Fashion’s Night Out, white parties, Cirque du Soleil premieres, the opening of high-end stores, and charity balls… Not exactly a breeding ground for eligible bachelors. The only way to widen your circles and meet the other “normal” people off-Strip is online.

But now eharmony is ruining everything. Dating in Las Vegas was hard enough before!

Almost everyone is online in Vegas, although the women talk about it more freely than the guys. Even my friends who still go out to the clubs know that it’s difficult to connect with someone whose sole purpose of being in town is to go wild for his friend’s bachelor party. You sign on eharmony or match or whichever online site suits your personality, and then you don’t obsess. It is just another way to possibly meet someone you wouldn’t normally meet. And this way, it’s based on common interests! It’s a win-win.

Or at least it was…

This week, eharmony rolled out a new feature that the men seem to have enthusiastically embraced. The service has provided dozens (more?) of idiotic questions that I guess are meant to break the ice. Instead, they are a huge, disastrous example of WAY too much information. Also, some of the questions are ones that repulse the women.

We have a problem.

No girlfriend of mine has answered a single one of these often disgusting questions, but we were shocked that the men have. And I’m not talking they clicked off one or two multiple-choice answers. I’m talking dozens…

I’ve collected a few of the questions. Some of the men that eharmony matched me with because they mistakenly think we are compatible in any way have chosen questions that were too nasty for me to even include. The rest are just off-putting.

If a potential date asks me a yes or no question about ever having been fired, is he judging me? Why on earth would he ask if I would ever share a toothbrush, especially before our first date? If he asks how I feel about all-nighters, does that mean he parties too hard? How do I answer a question like, “Do you expect presents on your birthday?”

Even the most benign-seeming questions don’t leave room for an explanation, so one simple answer could get the other person’s imagination to run wild. And we all know what happens when you expect the worse… Why kill any chance of liking someone before you’ve even met them?

After a quick search that I kept brief because seeing all these guys dig their own grave was too painful, here are a few of the questions I found most off-putting or would just wonder why the guy was asking. Again, I must repeat that the gross ones don’t have a place on my blog. So these aren’t the worst ones…

Would you date someone who considers themselves to be bisexual?

Women who don’t shave are…..

Have you ever been drunk before noon?

Women with crow’s feet are…

If I had to cut calories in my diet, I would…

The doctor says you have liver cancer and recommends surgery as soon as possible. What’s your next move?

You catch your partner viewing porn online… Strip clubs are… Dirty jokes are…

 

I thought I was on a mature dating site where I may or may not meet someone else interested in a relationship and hopefully marriage. Eharmony was supposed to be the “serious” site. So any guy asking me about porn, strip clubs and (yes “and,” all of these were from the same guy) dirty jokes before our first date is someone I think belongs somewhere else. And now eharmony is enabling that behavior.

Men, listen up: For a relationship to start, a woman expects a proper first date with a man who’s putting his best foot forward. Nothing kills romance like talking about dieting or a life-threatening illness before you’ve even met. Some of those things are real issues that women feel very uncomfortable talking about with a complete stranger.

So if this OKCupid-worthy experiment is here to stay, I beg everyone to ignore it. You don’t have to answer these questions!!

Thoughts, anyone?

 

On a side note, I wrote my tips for creating an attractive online profile in Vegas magazine’s sister publication, Las Vegas Weekly, last week. Check it out here!

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I'm a life-long travel junkie journalist who works hard to find adventure in everyday life after two years of travel and expat living.

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Comments

  1. OH LORD. The conservative site has gone rogue! That is so much OK Cupid and so NOT E Harmony. I’m working on my post about dating — remember that Irish arse — so we can compare notes on EH and OKC. 🙂

  2. I’m so glad an intelligent, emotionally healthy female agrees. 🙂

  3. Aside from the gross factor, I just don’t get how those questions are even helpful – really, you’re going to be able to tell if we’re soulmates because I told you that I’ve been drunk before noon, even if the reasons for that could range from wine tasting with my family (wholesome, cultured, family-oriented) to waking up still drunk from a crazy party the night before in college (slightly different image from the wine tasting one)? Not that I’ve done either of those, of course…

  4. Exactly.

  5. Um, that’s the kind of stuff you have to deal with? We’re flying down to give you a hug 🙂

  6. Talk about a ten on the cringe factor — how uncomfortable.
    Good for you for writing about it and telling it like it is.
    Shame on you eHarmoney!

  7. Who thought that was a good idea??!

  8. There are just no way these are real questions? WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. Like I said, not even the worst ones!

  10. Wow, this is terrible! I have been reading a lot about dating sites being popular and not that taboo in big cities, which I think it good, but wow, these questions are awful! Leave something for the dates!

  11. As you know I’m doing my experiment on eHarmony, Plenty of Fish and Match. It takes FOREVER to fill out those answers and I wondered if they did it to screen out unstable people – turns out they do! A friend of mine shared that a mutual acquaintance was rejected from the site.

    Yesterday I also joined OKCupid and was actually shocked by some of the questions – really do you need to know if I have had lesbian encounters?? Anyway the worst part is afterwards you can see answers!

    Agh.

    But I have to say at least in Toronto, OK Cupid seems to have the best people – sorry to spoil my eventual post on the fatigue of online dating.

  12. Yes, I was quite shocked when I first heard of someone being rejected from eharmony. I actually loved the initial questionaire, which did take forever! And I figure that if you can’t commit to sitting down and answering those questions in an effort to meet someone, then you’ll never commit to me lol. These new questions, however, are horrifying. So interesting that OK Cupid is the good one in Toronto!! And yes, online dating is exhausting.

  13. I never realized how difficult it would be to date if you lived in Las Vegas, but makes sense giving all the transient folks just coming for a quick party. And yikes, those questions are absurd.

  14. Wow. When I read things like this, it just makes me sick!

  15. Those are some bizarre questions Abby! 😛 I’ve tried online dating both at home and abroad and it’s been a mixed bag. I’ve had some great relationships and I’ve met others who I’ve made excuses with to bolt early on the first encounter.

  16. You know, I don’t think I know anyone who has ever tried online dating services. It’s not very big up here. At least, not yet. And if these completely irrelevant questions are anything to go by… well, those are just sad!

  17. They are ruining everything!!! So happy that the men agree. 🙂

  18. Abby, in the words, accent and attitude of a New Yorker: You’ve got to be freakin’ kidding me. Whoa. Has eHarmony lost its d*** mind? I agree wholeheartedly about your stance in the “Men, listen up” area of your post. Thank goodness I have stayed far, far away from these sites! Frankly, the ridiculousness of eHarmony and their 5,000 questions and knowing someone on a “deeper level” by multiple choice is intrusive, disturbing, and quite candidly, a little frightening. Look, I’m not poo-pooing anyone who wants to use an online site. On the contrary — I’m my single friends’ (male and female) biggest cheerleaders when they’ve gone down that path (and one is happily married with two beautiful children). But, there’s something that makes me take a double, even a triple take with these sites — most especially eHarmony. Did anyone else see the MSNBC/CNBC special “Love at First Byte” http://on.msnbc.com/z9UyQc? eHarmony didn’t win me over during the broadcast; actually, they made it even worse — and now this? I’m afraid to see what the other questions were! Yikes. I’m just too old for the crazy nonsense.

  19. Hmmm… I’ll have to watch that. I never minded the questionaire, because it was in the spirit of finding matches. I see absolutely no point to these new questions. I thought I was on the site for “old” people lol. Now I feel like I’m, well, old. I’m literally too old for this. It’s insane.

  20. Oh my. Those questions seem more suited for OKCupid. I’m surprised eharmony is rolling them out there.

    I have used eharmony in the past, with no success. I’ve been encouraged to try it again in about six months. But I’m on the fence about that.

  21. Let me know when you do!

  22. I’m starting to realize that if I ever used one of these sites, I would be a like a side of beef dropped into a large pool of female piranhas in the mood for a feeding frenzy.

    It might sound nice at first, but I’d come out battered and bruised from so many girls fighting over me.

    Tempting… but scary.

  23. Wow, let alone private, those questions are just plain stupid. Someone who takes the time to answer them reveal themselves without even bothering reading what they write.. Never done online dating, I know in London is becoming quite popular, probably because people spend most of their time at work, I’m still waiting for the perfect encounter, although I can’t deny time is passing by pretty quickly 😛

  24. Melissa W. says:

    BEST POST YET!!! Loved this! 🙂 So true and so sad!

  25. I think dating anywhere is just as equally hard but with questions like it’s just plain disturbing and discouraging. I hope things work out for you!

  26. Oh, Chance, you’d be fine!! Lol.

  27. Oh. My. GOD. I thought eHarmony was bad before, but this….what the hell are they thinking??? So much for finding men serious about a relationship online.

  28. I know dating in Las Vegas is a beast, but this definitely doesn’t help. I think some of these questions are incredibly judgmental. “Women who don’t shave are … ???” What a horrible thing to ask. Are there other dating websites that are better?

  29. Are the new questions mandatory for men or can they pick and choose which questions they ask?

    I shudder if your answer is the latter.

  30. I know, Gray, it’s awful. I know you and I talked about it before and were a bit defeated. Now this!

    It IS horrible, JoAnna. And yes, Chris, the men choose…

  31. I’ve never used dating sites. They’re not hugely popular in the UK… at least not yet anyway. I’m always open to new things, but to be honest I just don’t see online dating as a way to meet guys. For me, the instant connection you get when you meet someone is the most important thing. There are guys I’ve dated in the past who have had many different interests & personality traits from me, but that was actually the interesting thing about them. They exposed me to new things and environments. On paper however, I probably would have bypassed them because they didn’t have so much in common with me at first glance. I therefore just don’t think online dating sites can work. Also, I don’t think anyone should go out looking for a relationship. It’s just something that happens… It’s not something you can look for.

    At least, that’s my thoughts on the matter anyway! 🙂

  32. Thanks, Jane! A lot of people agree with you. I find that when I meet someone online, the first question is often, “Why are YOU on here?” Most of the ones I meet are like me, somehow in an industry where they don’t meet other peers.

  33. Hmmm… an interesting point you mention here…I had never stopped to think that finding a long term partner in Vegas is difficult. I suppose though that it’s kinda hard pretty much anywhere too , specially when one has to work and has other commitments.

  34. Isn’t the point of a date to get to know someone? I’m all for using sites to meet people outside of your normal social circles, but I feel online dating has lost the allure of actually getting to know someone face-to-face. It’s just another way to speed the screening process. How sexy is that?!

  35. I never let messages go on once I meet someone online. Call me to make plans, that’s it. But I am so repulsed by these questions that I doubt that will ever happen again!

  36. modernrelations says:

    Ladies, it’s hard to meet men anywhere, but I found my man online here 5+ years ago, so it can be done. Treat it like a job. Screw eharmony. Focus on the other sites. It’s a numbers game, so I switched sites every 2-3 months since we have such a small pool of guys online here. The beauty of online is that it allows you to be blunt about what you’re looking for and ask whatever you want prior to meeting. If you don’t like the questions, it’s probably not a match. Two pieces of advice: don’t have lengthy phone conversations (and many of them) prior to meeting, but do get a sense of them on the phone to see if you want to put in the time to actually meet. Enjoy the journey until Mr. Right comes along.

  37. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again…

    I am so glad I’m married for two reasons –

    1) I picked well.

    2) I don’t have to deal with dating.

  38. Greg, I’m so glad you realize that!

    Modern, I couldn’t agree more about nixing the long talks, long emails, etc, all before you’ve met. Interesting that you moved sites every few months. That’s something I’ve never considered!

  39. O.o

    I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that. Good luck lady!

  40. What? I always thought eHarmony was where the people go who are actually looking for a serious relationship and don’t they already ask 100 questions anyway without asking more irrelevant, disgusting questions? Move to Germany, here everyone meets someone in a sports or special interest (i.e. photography) club where you know you will have something in common with someone right from the start based on a common interest.

  41. Maybe I WILL move to Germany lol

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